Silently

But You seem significantly silent.
Distortion, clean, switching channels
sensing tautness of panic, switching
fears that overflow my dams of
poetry, sleep, Scripture and mediocrity.
Assured that with intentions good
my fear would dissipate, abate, would
bring revelations and motivate. Could
I be wrong? Could psalms and songs,
tin cans and moving hands, morning
readings and restless evenings
not be the way You lead. I have
felt this thought, but I forgot. I have
taken the Spirit for a passenger, a
long-limbed gentle friend graciously
forced into my dirty little accord.
Has fear of tightness snapped the chord?
We want You to walk, but salvation,
we still want You to remove situations
sharp and hot, and if You will not,
we still worry and fear and grow
silently cold, senseless and resenting.
But You seem significantly silent today.
And in silence what remains?
Stay, Presence in wrestling, and fight
fearful, timid spirits preferring night
and all the black and white, scared
that living in questions might never
bring the answers we cleverly expect.
Silence, do You call me to take steps,
or wait, wait, perfect love of redemption
reclaim my doubt, remove shouts of dread
that drench and drown out,
and re-teach of fear, of reverence in
living, praying, acting, reacting
silently and listening, saving my mixture
of love, future, fear for my G-d,
my Rock of salvation come near.